Food for Thought

Herewith, a collection of random comments, all encountered this week:

* * *

My friend G., with whom I’ve begun hiking the Big Hill every morning: “I am so glad we’re doing this! When I get home, I feel like it almost doesn’t matter what else I do all day; I’ve already accomplished something worthwhile!”

Exactly. Also: This is how I've been justifying not scrubbing a toilet for an entire week.

* * *

Me, to my husband: “Okay. Tell me the truth. Do I look any different?”

Him: “Well, you don't have back boobs any more. That's different.”

Me (choking): “Did you just say ‘back boobs’?”

Him: “What were you hoping I'd say?”

* * *

Dr. Magichands, the best chiropractor in the county, when I told him about this contest: “Whenever I’m speaking to people about their health, I ask, ‘What sort of hobbies do you have?’ And they’ll say things like ‘I sew; I quilt; I fix cars; I play games.’ And I say to them, ‘If you’d make yourself your hobby, just for three months even, your life would change forever. Just spend three months making yourself healthy and strong.’ So I think you’re doing a really good thing!”

Actually, my newest hobby is getting my back slammed into place so I can walk upright.

* * *

Me, to my husband: “So I’ve pretty much lost my belly now. My stomach isn’t sagging any more.”

Him: “Oh, the modesty panel is gone.”

Me, laughing: “Is that what it’s called?”

Him: “That’s what I call mine.”

* * *

Johnny Walker: “It hurts? Good pain or bad pain?”

Me: “Is there a difference?”

Johnny Walker: “Bad pain is a sharp, shooting pain. It means you’re doing damage. Good pain you just push through and keep going. Usually when people say ‘You're killing me!’ I just ignore them. So what? Keep going.”

Shooting pain. Yeah, that's the ticket.

* * *

My mother: “Jack in the Box has a berry salad now! Go get one and tell me whether it's any good.”

And we wonder how I got fat.

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Today's soundtrack is dedicated to my friend Tad, who once said to me, while thumbing through my extensive collection of  Greatest Hits CDs: “Holy crap. You have the worst musical taste of anyone I've ever met. Don't you own a single actual album?” (And when I admitted the last actual album I purchased was Endless Summer in junior high school, he gave me Eric Clapton Unplugged, “Because this Greatest Hits garbage ends today.”) So to you, Tad, workout song of the century: ABBA Megamix!