Officially Huge

This will be a brief post. Tonight was the weigh in. It's official.  I'm a 5-foot 7.5-inch 247-pound blob. To win this competition, I must lose 109 pounds in 90 days.

And yes, Dad, I did pound a two-litre jug of water before the weigh in. Not because you thought I should, but because after all my hard work getting huge, I went to the dentist today, did a round of nitrous, and threw up my guts. It took two litres (and an orange-cream milkshake from Arbys) to rehydrate myself!

I think I'll go take my headache, my nauseated stomach, and my large backside to bed now. We're all very, very tired.